The most important thing about feedback is to go inside and feel what you would need at this moment.  Try to be honest.  Prior to the test or competition, replay in your mind how you are going to act if your child performs very well, average or poorly.  At that time, you can get in touch with what you would need at those moments.

Certainly one requirement is that you be honest.  There is no use pretending.  A youngster who has made a crucial mistake costing him the achievement of his or her goal does not need to hear "It really isn't that important".  At that moment it is important to the athlete and he or she should be permitted the dignity of his unhappiness.

We often mean well in trying to cheer up our children following some failure but it is important that we are truthful.  You athletes can quickly pick up on phony attitudes.  They can resent them deeply, and later on when proaise is well deserved, they may get less satisfaction from it.  An acknowledgement of the problem "boy that was really tough Sally, but there will be other days: and and arm around the shoulder is ideal.  Listening is also important.  Give your child a decent interval for feeling despondent and then move on to discuss more cheerful affairs of the day.  Teach them not to be afraid to fail, but that in trying they have won.

Sincere and well meant praise should not be held back.  Often when children do perform well, parents are aftraid that they will get a "big head" and so son't give them the praise they deserve.  On the few occasions that skaters have the opportunity to skate in competitions or take tests be lavish with your praise.  There just are not enough opportunities in a year for us to worry about them getting a big head.  Use sport to build your child's self-esteem.

It is also important to realize that in your feedback you are attempting to shape your child's behaviour.  You are being a parent at that time.  So be aware of what you are rewarding.  If a child has fallen repeatedly, desplayed a temper tantrum and you walk out and say "good effort Bobby, You'll get it next time", you are rewarding the misbehaviour.  We must be careful to separate exactly what behaviours we are directing our rewards towards.

We must also be aware of our own bias.  Often athletes are trying very hard, but because they do not show the same gritting teeth and clenched fist that we would show if we were trying hard, we assume they are not working.  A study involving physical education classes showed that the children running at the back of the pack, because they may be slightly over weight or not as gifted as the runners at the front, actually have higher heart rates than those who are much further up in the ranks.  These children are trying, but, by our athletic standards it may not appear to be so.

When the results come out you and your skater must be objective and accept the results as they are.  Audibly criticizing judges because of a poor placement is simply not productive.  It is embarrassing for the skater and other people from your club.  Judges are human.  They have been trained to do a job and anything you say will not change their decision.  It will only discourage the judge from volunteering next time.  Most importantly, in the eyes of your child you would be teaching them to project responsibility for their performance on someone else rather than taking responsibility for it.

A skater who skates a personal best and graciously wins as well as graciously loses, is a winning skater.

While it may not be something to cite to your child after a performance, the following poem by W. A Clennan contains a message that helps put their results in perspective:

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